Messiah of the D.M.V.

Tim Gunn Times – Week 5

How’s this for crazy?  I’m actually starting to develop favorites.  Which means I am actually starting to care about this season. Maybe next time I will keep my old butt awake long enough to watch it in real time.  This week was the first time that I got excited about the challenge – it brought back the old-skool (sic) ingenuity of Project Runway.

The Challenge:  to use issues of the Los Angeles Times to create a look! Love the ingenuity of this concept (although am I alone in thinking that most Angelenos don’t really consider the LA Times a city icon?).  The designers can use muslin as an infrastructure (but none of it can show) and are also allowed access to provided paint and dye.  (btw, I really think they are reading my blog.  ”They” being Tim and Heidi.  Because hello?  LA Times…Tim Gunn Times?  Shout out to them!)

The Awesome Index

• Heidi’s “Hello” on the runway. I realize this is a weekly event but the ominous innocence of it just made me smile tonight. +1
• When Heidi announces “this challenge will be tough, but the answers will be in black and white” the whole group gasps in an irritatingly contrived way. Why the hell are they gasping? They act like they just won the Publishers Clearing House check.  But Heidi saves the moment by responding with an over-the-top gasping display to mock them. Love it. +1 for having a sense of humor.
• This challenge. +10 Finally something no one saw coming.
• Tim saying “I’m woeful Johnny” when seeing Johnny’s “origami on ugly pills” dress.  He continued on to say it looked like a bunch of kindergarteners did it or like birds had attacked it. +3. 1 point for using woeful like only Tim Gunn could. 1 point for pointing out the obvious – Johnny has the manner of a whiny 5-year-old.  And 1 point for kicking him when he was down by using his origami swans against him. I don’t have children myself, but I can really picture Johnny bringing his designs home with the excitement of a small child to show his mom.  His mom, I’m sure with all the love in the world, would wonder to herself what it is supposed to be but hugs him in encouragement and places it on the refrigerator.  There is no refrigerator on Project Runway.
• Nicolas bitching about anything and everything.  I don’t like haters, but I generally agree with a lot of what Nicolas complains about – Johnny’s self-pity sob stories (drug addiction is something incredible to overcome, but seriously, let’s move on now. This isn’t Dr. Phil), Shirin’s annoying immaturity, etc… +2 but then I had to -1 when the designers are in another room laughing and making fun of him. It made my cold heart hurt a little. (God, please take note of this moment of kindness)
• Irina vs. Althea – Irina is such an unqualified snatch-face but I have to love her for it. She is still complaining about Althea’s win last week (calling it an “utter shock”). I happen to agree with her so no love lost on my part. +1
• Irina being annoyed with everyone at the LA Times when all the designers fill their trash bags with ridiculous amounts of newspaper. “What are you guys doing? You’re dressing a human, not an elephant.” Not only are the words bitchily accurate, her intonation of constant boredom made her comment perfection. +2
• Nicolas bagging on Shirin – “I know we are the same age but I feel 40 around her.” Logan concurs by wondering if Shirin ever shuts up. Thank you for people finally seeing how inane she is. (p.s. to my friend out there of the same name – I love you) +2
• Irina’s trench coat – pretty crazy that she did this in such little time (since she scrapped her first attempt). Tommy Hilfiger’s comment that it was like a replacement for fur was kind of spot on. I loved it. And I loved that she did something other than a dress. +1

• Did anyone else notice Nicolas wearing a similar outfit as Heidi’s from the beginning of the episode? Black and white striped shirt and black pants.  He’s playing some type of voo-doo psychological warfare, and I like it.   +2
• Tim Gunn seething after kicking Johnny out – “I’m incredulous at that utterly preposterous spewing of fiction that Johnny did on the runway. It was ridiculous!” Even more amazing than a pissed-off Tim Gunn? His vocabulary.  +4

Total = +28

The WTF Index

• Althea describing the LA times office as the “huge building where they make newspapers” … Ugh, can someone please send her the memo indicating that “stupid” is so 1995?  -1
• Johnny starts doing a crossword puzzle after scrapping his first design and sort of putting together another one. WTF?????????? Why are you here? I almost wanted Mitchell back at that moment because I was so disgusted by his lack of respect for the show and for himself. -3
• Johnny criticizing Nicolas’ dress the only way he knows how – badly.  ”It’s definitely not punk rock, it’s stunt rock.” What does that even mean? -1 because even though it just confirms my opinion of him, it made the water I was drinking come out my nose.
• Judges – Eva Longoria Parker, Tommy Hilfiger and that Marie Claire chick (Zoe Glassner). UGH who are these randoms? Eva Longoria Parker is fine I guess. Tommy Hilfiger is a racist (that’s right, I said it!) and the Marie Claire chick bugs me. Where are Nina and Michael?? -2
• Heidi being bored with Gordana’s dress. Okay, so it wasn’t groundbreaking but seriously? Bottom 3? It was immaculately constructed and I personally loved it.  -1 because I am right.
• Johnny’s transparent lies on the runway. It’s just another example of him victimizing himself to the point where he feels his lies are justified. Although Nicolas’ calling him out on it was a bit harsh, I was just disgusted with Johnny and wanted the truth out there. His dress looked like a collection of taped on red post-its. It was too short, and completely random. Kind of like Johnny actually.  -2 (but then +2 because he thankfully was given the boot)

Total = – 8

Neither here nor there commentary

• Chris’ feathery, floor-length dress. While I commend the time and effort that this gown took and while I love the bottom half of it, the armor-like bodice was so unattractive. It kind of ruined the dress for me.
• Ra’Mon’s separates were just whatever. As was Epperson’s samurai silouette.
• Looks I enjoyed – Logan’s white/black/teal number (love the asymmetrical ruffle), Carol’s floor length red gown and Louise’s (This week was a little bizarre with the full-neck color of newspaper curls but I like that she took a risk and experimented with different colors and textures – I can’t wait until she really knocks it out of the park). I even liked Shirin’s weird, spaceship dress. It’s more a testament for my love for this challenge – it really made things so much more interesting. It was like a breath of fresh air.
• As annoying as Althea is, she really impressed me this week – her play on patterns and attention to the details was incredible.
• I didn’t think Nicolas’ dress was THAT bad. It wasn’t the best, obviously, and he admitted that.  But the VERY clear differences in quality between his and Johnny’s was undeniable.

The show came to a total of +20!  Things are picking up folks! The claws are out, the standards and quality are increasing every week and people are showing their true colors (for better or worse).  I think my favorites so far are Nicolas (bad showing this week in fashion but fantastic in drama, which I need to give credit where it is due), Irina and Louise. I think Louise is the silent underdog who is going to end up surprising us!  Stay tuned.

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